The Model House Rules (Part I)

Liebe deutschsprachige Leserinnen, diese Regeln gibt's erstmal nur auf Englisch, weil ich die deutschen Entsprechungen eh in meiner ANTM-Livekritik durchgehe. Bin gespannt, wie viele davon in dieser Staffel vorkommen. Nummer 1, 7 und 8 hatten wir schon und gerade beginnt die heutige Folge mit Nummer 5: Vergessene Modelmappe.

I promised something last week, didn't I? Oh yes I did. And here, as promised, are my observations from years of enthusiastic model casting show watching. A set of "So You Wanna Be A Model?" rules, if you will. Disclaimer: I'm not an actual model, casting director, photographer or beauty expert. I just watch a lot of TV.

As I said last week, I'm a huge fan of model shows.

Sure, they’re vapid and reinforce an unhealthy body image and cause many exasperated exclamations on my part, but I just get sucked in. And some things never change. You’d think after seeing 3 or 6 or 9 seasons of a show the candidates (who I am sure watch these shows more than I do) should know some basic things, but every season it’s the same again.

So if you’re considering becoming somewhere’s top awesome model, I made you a list:

(And because it's so long, I broke it into several parts.)


1. There will be a makeover. They will probably do something to your hair. It might even be really really short once they're done. If you’re not prepared to have your hair done, don’t go to the show. Don’t be the one who breaks into tears even before they start cutting. You’ll likely be the one who just gets a little trim and then how silly will you look? Also: short hair might look really hawt on you. And if it doesn’t – hair does grow back.
 

2. Think about what style and what sort of clothes suit you. This usually should be done twice: It’s always good to know it before you go to the show in case the first challenge is "you have 3 minutes to grab some clothes and look good". Then after the makeover, think about your new style. You may hate it, but you better be prepared to do the clothes-grabbing thing or put on fitting makeup the next day.
 

3. Learn to apply basic makeup in a way that makes you look good. Unless you’re on one of the shows where you have a "styling expert" constantly doing badly acted product placement scenes with you.
 

4. Never go anywhere without makeup, but it has to be the sort of makeup that’s almost invisible. Yeah, they say you have to be totally without makeup for the castings or runway shows so they can see your true you and know what they can do with you stylewise, but a little skin-tone powder and lipgloss don’t hurt. What not to do: Cake on tons of makeup in any situation. You’ll get the dreaded "beauty pageant" comments.
 

5. Never forget your lookbook. Keep it in your purse at all times. Keep your purse with you at all times. Don’t be the one who forgets her lookbook and gets bad marks for the go-see challenge or the casting. 

• Corollary to rule 5 (added after tonight's show): If they give you a white binder for the lookbook (seriously, how mean is that?), please clean off any smudges regularly. White plastic looks ratty so fast, it's not even funny.

6. Speaking of the go-see (I love these words. Lookbook. Go-see. Probably walk-pretty.), always keep an extra pair of shoes in your purse. If you’re in heels, take some comfy trainers just in case you need to run. If you’re not in heels, you better have them in that purse or you’ll get your head torn off by the judges. 
 

7. And heels. Learn to walk in them. Before you go. You should be practising in front of the TV during every model show you watch. Don’t be the "this is so hard, I’ve never worn heels before!" girl.
 

8. Important addendum to hair and makeup: If you get cast for the show, remove your fake nails before you go. Get a simple mani, buff your nails, take care of your cuticles. Get a pedi. At some point, you’ll be barefoot. You don’t want to be the one whose feet send the casting director into hysterics and then they keep showing that zoomed shot of your feet. Remove any extensions you have in your hair and under no circumstances get new ones just for the show. Shave your legs. And make sure you keep that up during the show. 

Recognize any of those? The current season of Austria's Next Top Model has already ticked boxes 1, 5, 7 and 8.

The just a wee bit addicted Nail Newbie